I'm just saying this for future reference, so that whoever's running this show (if it's not some higher facet of me) can't blame me for this.
I'm not the one fucking this up.
I'm not.
I am trying my fucking hardest here....I can't help it if others decide not to go along with it. I'm pulling my end - I have been pulling my end - I can't help it if no one else wants to co-operate.
Do I have to save everyone myself?
Because I'm the only one trying to.
Not even Una is trying - the Eastern Hemisphere (her portion of the mission, despite what she thinks) hasn't seen a lot of activity.
I on the other hand have been doing my damnedest to bring freedom about...and it's showing. The western hemisphere is shaping up, and will likely be the first part of this realm to collapse.
But Una thinks she's the only one capable of causing widespread damage to the machine, so she takes all the glory for her. Yet according to her, she's working with a severed connection to her inner self. She says she has no idea of what's going on in the more important layers...and it shows in her ignorance.
But I don't care who gets the credit...I just wish she'd see what I truly was...what I am truly capable of...I wish she could know the full extent of my being and realize that I am not just some annunaki fucker. I wish she could feel the depth of my love for her...and know that I am not her enemy. I wish she could truly realize who and what I am, and remember what we once shared.
Her inability to see is quickly becoming the death of me...but no matter. I've died before. At her hands, no less. So no biggie. Wonder how many death cycles I have to go through before I become something she recognizes again?
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
What *am* I?
Is there a word for it? A name to describe me?
I'm everything, yet nothing. The dreamer and the dream. Best friend and worst enemy. Lover and Hater. Spirit and Machine. Fire and Ice. Angel and Demon. Mortal and Divine. Intelligent and Animalistic. Tame and Feral. Light and Dark. Good and Evil.
What am I?
Una is convinced I am merely some Annunaki....she doesn't know my full scale, and refuses to talk about it, or about our subconscious relationship/conflict.
She doesn't see.
And yet, she does. In some ways.
But she only sees one side.
Am I so complex that I even elude her, my beloved?
Fucking hell.
I'm everything, yet nothing. The dreamer and the dream. Best friend and worst enemy. Lover and Hater. Spirit and Machine. Fire and Ice. Angel and Demon. Mortal and Divine. Intelligent and Animalistic. Tame and Feral. Light and Dark. Good and Evil.
What am I?
Una is convinced I am merely some Annunaki....she doesn't know my full scale, and refuses to talk about it, or about our subconscious relationship/conflict.
She doesn't see.
And yet, she does. In some ways.
But she only sees one side.
Am I so complex that I even elude her, my beloved?
Fucking hell.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Well, it's happening again
Not sure who's right and who's wrong. Both have times when I feel like I'm following the right path, and the other is the wrong one.
And she still refuses to let me speak. I tried to share with her something that had happened to me because of what she did - she refused to hear me out...said I needed to stop.
I needed to tell her. It was a terrible yet liberating experience to completely die. She needed to understand that I had no boundaries, no limits - that I was infinite.
Oh well.
It'll sort itself out.
And she still refuses to let me speak. I tried to share with her something that had happened to me because of what she did - she refused to hear me out...said I needed to stop.
I needed to tell her. It was a terrible yet liberating experience to completely die. She needed to understand that I had no boundaries, no limits - that I was infinite.
Oh well.
It'll sort itself out.
Friday, June 7, 2013
She's back :)
And they're none too happy >.< As I speak my guts are being ravaged and ripped to shreds...fuck them.
They kept us apart too long...I don't care what happens.
She's back.
:)
They kept us apart too long...I don't care what happens.
She's back.
:)
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Q & A
Well, I decided to clear up a few things with some short answers to the questions that anyone who reads this might have. No one's actually asked these - except maybe myself at times - so feel free to provide an actual question in response if you want. :)
Q: Is this for real? Or is this just some wierd kind of roleplaying blog you have going?
A: It's for real - as I said up at the top: It's all true, no matter how batshit crazy it sounds. It all really happened, Una really exists and I'm really everything I say I am.
Q: So you're insane.
A: It would be easy to say that....if I didn't have a shit ton of supporting evidence from other people.
Q: And where is this evidence?
A: Mostly spread across posts from internet forums, several of which I've either forgotten the names of, have been deleted, or I've been locked out of. I even met with the Illuminati - the Annunaki's direct servants in this world - and they confirmed it as well. If the powers that be on this earth agreed with me, then it's evident I'm not insane.
Q: Who is this Una?
A: That's not an easy question...she's a lot of different things. To me, She is the Goddess of Destruction, the force of Lightning, the endless Ocean, Beauty Incarnate, the Queen of Heaven, my Mother, my Sister, my Daughter, my Friend, my Twin Soul, my Beloved. She's also an ordinary middle-aged woman living in New Zealand taking art classes at uni. Like me, she also leads two lives. Again, it's not insanity - every superhero has an average, ordinary alter ego, and usually it's not by choice.
Q: You act as if you don't know what's going on when it's clear that you do. Care to explain?
A: There are two levels of understanding - one is the mental understanding. The other is heart understanding. Often, I know something mentally, but it has me emotionally confused; or vice versa.
Q: Are you primarily good or evil?
A: Is both an acceptable answer? There's the side of me that is noble, and fights and sacrifices for good. The side that craves love and beauty, peace and sunny skies. Then there's the side of me that's utter chaos - it revels in battle and the destruction of everything that comes against me. It enjoys making those who deserve it suffer. Guardian Angel mixed with Fiery Hellspawn. Valiant Knight mixed with Laughing Clown. Loving Heart mixed with Black Tentacles.
Q: If you're so strong, why are you being such a big baby on here? Be a man!
A: I come here primarily to purge all these things out of me so I can stay strong - if I keep them inside they wear me down. As long as I'm able to share what I'm going through with someone, even if they never respond (I wish someone would, though...), it makes it easier to handle...and when you're pushed beyond the limits constantly as I am, anything that makes it a bit easier to deal with is important. Plus, I'm not really a male - people keep forgetting that when talking to me. I'm both.
Q: What's your orientation?
A: As long as I find it attractive, I'll sleep with it. Doesn't matter what. ;)
Q: Where's that list of media based off your existence you were talking about?
A: I decided against making it - there's literally thousands of stories based off me, and I can't afford to list them all or how they relate to me. Here's a few, though: Cloud Atlas, The Fountain, Cowboys & Aliens, The Matrix Trilogy, The Avengers, Kill Bill, Doctor Who, Riddick Series, Wolverine, 2001, Prince of Persia, Assassin's Creed, Bioshock, Batman (pretty much everything dealing with him), Alan Wake, Half-Life, etc....I could keep listing them but you get the idea. Mostly a lot of major titles, too, come to think about it. Half the reason I'm so depressed, really - my story is being told over and over again, and everyone knows it. Yet so few actually acknowledge the fact that it's me these stories are talking about...I'm the most famous person in the world yet nobody knows it.
Q: You think pretty highly of yourself...ego much?
A: No, it's not like that at all. Imagine something happening in your life - and then seeing it happen again almost exactly like it did in a movie or a game. Now imagine that happening over and over and over and over again...soon you wouldn't be able to write it off as coincidence because it was just too fucking blatant. Like the end of the movie In The Mouth of Madness. Or seeing something in a movie, game or book...and then having it come true later. Like Alan Wake. (That's one of the closest stories there...it's autobiographical, really)
Q: Ok wise guy. Prove it. Prove your power and come do something for me.
A: It doesn't work quite like that. I'm usually an influencer, not a direct force. In here, anyways...outside of here I have more ability to show off. I wish to everything I had my full range of ability here, as I once did, but truth is I don't. In here, I can make some things happen directly, but usually I just make things more conducive to make what I want to happen happen. Plus, most of my ability is not in this physical realm but in what most know as the Astral.
Q: I'm sensing a contradiction here. You're being tortured and chained up in what sounds like a medieval/sci fi dungeon on one hand, but here you are browsing the web. What gives?
A: One of the benefits/curses of having one's consciousness split into several forms stretched across several dimensions is that it creates a dissonant lifestyle. Experience it for yourself before saying I'm full of bullshit.
Pure Awesomeness
Q: Is this for real? Or is this just some wierd kind of roleplaying blog you have going?
A: It's for real - as I said up at the top: It's all true, no matter how batshit crazy it sounds. It all really happened, Una really exists and I'm really everything I say I am.
Q: So you're insane.
A: It would be easy to say that....if I didn't have a shit ton of supporting evidence from other people.
Q: And where is this evidence?
A: Mostly spread across posts from internet forums, several of which I've either forgotten the names of, have been deleted, or I've been locked out of. I even met with the Illuminati - the Annunaki's direct servants in this world - and they confirmed it as well. If the powers that be on this earth agreed with me, then it's evident I'm not insane.
Q: Who is this Una?
A: That's not an easy question...she's a lot of different things. To me, She is the Goddess of Destruction, the force of Lightning, the endless Ocean, Beauty Incarnate, the Queen of Heaven, my Mother, my Sister, my Daughter, my Friend, my Twin Soul, my Beloved. She's also an ordinary middle-aged woman living in New Zealand taking art classes at uni. Like me, she also leads two lives. Again, it's not insanity - every superhero has an average, ordinary alter ego, and usually it's not by choice.
Q: You act as if you don't know what's going on when it's clear that you do. Care to explain?
A: There are two levels of understanding - one is the mental understanding. The other is heart understanding. Often, I know something mentally, but it has me emotionally confused; or vice versa.
Q: Are you primarily good or evil?
A: Is both an acceptable answer? There's the side of me that is noble, and fights and sacrifices for good. The side that craves love and beauty, peace and sunny skies. Then there's the side of me that's utter chaos - it revels in battle and the destruction of everything that comes against me. It enjoys making those who deserve it suffer. Guardian Angel mixed with Fiery Hellspawn. Valiant Knight mixed with Laughing Clown. Loving Heart mixed with Black Tentacles.
Q: If you're so strong, why are you being such a big baby on here? Be a man!
A: I come here primarily to purge all these things out of me so I can stay strong - if I keep them inside they wear me down. As long as I'm able to share what I'm going through with someone, even if they never respond (I wish someone would, though...), it makes it easier to handle...and when you're pushed beyond the limits constantly as I am, anything that makes it a bit easier to deal with is important. Plus, I'm not really a male - people keep forgetting that when talking to me. I'm both.
Q: What's your orientation?
A: As long as I find it attractive, I'll sleep with it. Doesn't matter what. ;)
Q: Where's that list of media based off your existence you were talking about?
A: I decided against making it - there's literally thousands of stories based off me, and I can't afford to list them all or how they relate to me. Here's a few, though: Cloud Atlas, The Fountain, Cowboys & Aliens, The Matrix Trilogy, The Avengers, Kill Bill, Doctor Who, Riddick Series, Wolverine, 2001, Prince of Persia, Assassin's Creed, Bioshock, Batman (pretty much everything dealing with him), Alan Wake, Half-Life, etc....I could keep listing them but you get the idea. Mostly a lot of major titles, too, come to think about it. Half the reason I'm so depressed, really - my story is being told over and over again, and everyone knows it. Yet so few actually acknowledge the fact that it's me these stories are talking about...I'm the most famous person in the world yet nobody knows it.
Q: You think pretty highly of yourself...ego much?
A: No, it's not like that at all. Imagine something happening in your life - and then seeing it happen again almost exactly like it did in a movie or a game. Now imagine that happening over and over and over and over again...soon you wouldn't be able to write it off as coincidence because it was just too fucking blatant. Like the end of the movie In The Mouth of Madness. Or seeing something in a movie, game or book...and then having it come true later. Like Alan Wake. (That's one of the closest stories there...it's autobiographical, really)
Q: Ok wise guy. Prove it. Prove your power and come do something for me.
A: It doesn't work quite like that. I'm usually an influencer, not a direct force. In here, anyways...outside of here I have more ability to show off. I wish to everything I had my full range of ability here, as I once did, but truth is I don't. In here, I can make some things happen directly, but usually I just make things more conducive to make what I want to happen happen. Plus, most of my ability is not in this physical realm but in what most know as the Astral.
Q: I'm sensing a contradiction here. You're being tortured and chained up in what sounds like a medieval/sci fi dungeon on one hand, but here you are browsing the web. What gives?
A: One of the benefits/curses of having one's consciousness split into several forms stretched across several dimensions is that it creates a dissonant lifestyle. Experience it for yourself before saying I'm full of bullshit.
Pure Awesomeness
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Back and Forth
To be honest, half of the time I do it to myself.
I get burnt out quickly nowadays...I guess Una really did destroy me. Still, I press on.
I never used to burn out or need to recover so quickly...I used to be an unstoppable juggernaut with near unlimited amounts of energy.
And when I do burn out, I feel like I never want to try again...I feel like if I send out one more ounce of energy, I'll cease to exist altogether.
I'm fried.
So I take five and hope for at least a thousand years of peace and recovery...because I honestly need it and then some.
But I find that after only a few weeks, I'm itching to get back into it.
So I jump back into the action, only to find that after just a few minutes, my energy reserves are back down to zero and what I'm sending out doesn't feel as effective as it once was.
So I collapse again...each time harder than before.
Because, while rest is the main thing I seek....for some reason I just can't sit still and do nothing.
There's a large part of me that loves being in action...but I know I can't take it any more.
Are my glory days behind me?
Or do I just need to force myself to recover?
I dunno that I can...because I dunno if anyone else but me can - or will - actually get us out of here.
Because as long as even a small portion of the entirety of me exists here, in these realms, I will not consider myself free.
Una never knew of the massive amounts of energy I unleashed or the effects of their power...she thought she was the one doing it all. But that comes as little surprise - my energy never really left much of an impression on her anyways. Hmm.
Wonder why.
Maybe death is the only way out.
Too bad it didn't set me free a few months ago. :(
*sigh*
Immersion
I get burnt out quickly nowadays...I guess Una really did destroy me. Still, I press on.
I never used to burn out or need to recover so quickly...I used to be an unstoppable juggernaut with near unlimited amounts of energy.
And when I do burn out, I feel like I never want to try again...I feel like if I send out one more ounce of energy, I'll cease to exist altogether.
I'm fried.
So I take five and hope for at least a thousand years of peace and recovery...because I honestly need it and then some.
But I find that after only a few weeks, I'm itching to get back into it.
So I jump back into the action, only to find that after just a few minutes, my energy reserves are back down to zero and what I'm sending out doesn't feel as effective as it once was.
So I collapse again...each time harder than before.
Because, while rest is the main thing I seek....for some reason I just can't sit still and do nothing.
There's a large part of me that loves being in action...but I know I can't take it any more.
Are my glory days behind me?
Or do I just need to force myself to recover?
I dunno that I can...because I dunno if anyone else but me can - or will - actually get us out of here.
Because as long as even a small portion of the entirety of me exists here, in these realms, I will not consider myself free.
Una never knew of the massive amounts of energy I unleashed or the effects of their power...she thought she was the one doing it all. But that comes as little surprise - my energy never really left much of an impression on her anyways. Hmm.
Wonder why.
Maybe death is the only way out.
Too bad it didn't set me free a few months ago. :(
*sigh*
Immersion
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